Culpable Fantasm

It’s so cold a night…right here…deep down…in the abyss of my soul..

I admit I have been on the run…trying to escape from thy memoirs

Whenever I stopped and had a look behind…you were always there..ever more close..that’s my failure!

When voices die and light is no more to be seen..I see thy maroon castle, inviting me to enter…the endless corridors that keep me enslaved..in my eternal efforts of searching you..

do you still keep that star? that broke in your own hands? in your own eyes!

~A

You visited me again in the dream..

From the deserts of eternal sorrow, took me to the wild of joy,.

accompanied me, showered your love..

in a way that makes me cry.. butterflies bring me the kiss from God. when their wings touch my skin..freezing my soul..I am so cold

I dont know these tears
are they due to the joy
or due to all the time I have spent

you were awaited since long

Now that I woke up, there’s no sign left,. only a mistified sense of your presence

the old tree sleeps in my backyards.. withering away in time

and I am still in my cemetry, by my grave.. praying for you

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Series : Delusive Obsessions
Episode : An Odyssey
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He was walking down the roads with the sun followed by
the darkness of hollow night!

He rose his head towards the sky and watched the moon
cry!……”obsessions are haunting me!”,he thought within
himself.

He heard a voice from deep within that did sound of the
muted quest and he started to tremble…the pain took his
heart and wide opened were his eyes…I am feeling so
cold, he sighed…

The autumn air took him and carried through to the land
of despair where he struggled with the ladder of hope
till he found the truth that everything was a dream!!!

She allured him to the abode of wild and he sacrificed
the pleasures his little heart could think of!

He watched her crying in the dark night and he could do
nothing. . . just nothing except watching his heart
divide into pieces…….

A~

Tell me not…Life is like that
I remained in search of it, to find it no where, and if i did, that it was not real!…..

Ask me not to sleep and if i do, tell me not that
everything is a dream…

Tell me not…life is like that

I can’t embrace you O! angel o’ slumber, to find out again
that i am still alive…this is so painful!!!

I can’t withstand the light of your eyes…

let me sleep…let me sleep…tell me not…life is like that!

A~

Walking in the jungle
I met an autumn burnt leaf
a forgotten moment
a stolen breath

cold air
carrying it all the way
through to the lands
in an uncontrolled sway!

I will too
wither away

a box of paper clips
a tag of your name
a half burnt candle
are still the same

with me
you left them
in your absence
they are your emblem

on my journey
i am taking them with me
will go on loving
no matter,
whatever your consent be!

A~

There are many worlds we live in..

Many kinds of worlds!
A world where you don’t have these eyes and rationale of
judgement. You meet people and try to recognise them using
the process of cognition that’s programmed in your mind!
Some times you meet someone and from deep inside of your
soul you hear a wish(a desire?) that they be them…

Agony of the same old longing!
Does the fate of real world applies here too? Where am I?

Is this you???
What is the invisible wall built around?

I still stand at the gates of thine maroon castle with its
doors locked!…
Want to traverse its long drowsy corridors, want to be lost in them,
don’t want to return!!
A~

Days and nights of life have stopped…This long silence
of dark night seems eternal..

In the moon nights, when stars disappear..the partridge sets
on her endless journey..to the moon..

In the silent streets, cold air of night wanders in the streets
looking here to there, like a mad old woman..

How hell long moments become in waiting..and when there is no one
you are waiting for, who can guess how long will the waiting be?
who knows till when shall the flower that grows in the foots of mountain
will keep its fragrance preserved?

For how long the old oak, in the cemetry, have been watching the
continuoum of life?

Life is now like a broken leg that is useless though, still man doesn’t
wish to cut it and throw away..he fears, feels its pain..

Children playing in the streets..how innocent, unaware and happy they
are?..Life’s strongest emotion of joy and strength is carelessly busy
in the play!..

Far away in the jungle, is a stream of cold water..this water arrives
here after a long journey from high and cold mountains..and how much
the rabbit that drinks it to please his thurst, feels its freshness?..

Old village farmers sit under the tree, content on the dead bodies of their
life that has passed…and they wait for their burial…

We are all lost in the race of our own lives…forgetting or thoughtfully
neglecting the facts that surround us all the time..are busy like a widget
in an engine of a big factory..

Days and nights of life have stopped…Partridge is flying to moon..and
the mad old woman is wandering in the streets, searching for her lost home!..

A~

5/6/2007

Since some days I have been feeling like I am travelling in dream..
Life, me, you, world..everything..seems like a dream!..

I have experienced parallel dimensions in this travel..

There are so many different angles, human can look at things through
Like we miss the details and see what we want to…institutionalized!

Centrifugation that results from the centripetal force, keeping the
planets in orbit and forbidding them to go afar..come close..
Similar to the effect that stopped me for quite long before I could
step towards the ocean..for the first time..

Manifestation…everywhere, in everything..

My mind seems overclouded today..may be I’l explain this in another
post..

A~

Man continuously modifies the fabric of reality as it pleases him
and as he looks at things..as he is taught since the childhood!

Hiding the details or other dimensions (parallel and alternate ones)

When you bow down closer to a baby and try talking to him..he doesn’t
understand what you were saying..doesn’t understand what he saw…rather
he looks beyond your eyes, a little away from your face, because he is
not trained yet..not instituitionalised yet..

“keep your baby alive..inside you!”

All of us have a baby inside us..Someone caged in the walls of
existence..material body!..an enforced dungeon built around him by
ourselves..

Long ago, lived a boy!..in the wild of world..a thinking object
released to the noise..before he was trained to be a human..he acted
from his instinct..

But to understand things you need to put some walls, some boundries
around the possibilities your mind can think of while it grazes during the
thinking process..

So was he taught like everyone else..

A school of thought would say “Man makes his own destiny himself”

Yes, true..it’s a fact..and this is how world works…

Man continuously modifies the fabric of reality as it pleases him
and as he looks at things..making his own destiny himself!..

A bird that is released for the first time to fly, after birth..feels
pleasure, fear, weakness, strength, expectations at the same instant..

If a man was released the same way..open to endless dimensions and
spaces..what will be the first desire he would have?..he will wish
his centre of gravity to accompany him..no he will feel its
company all the way..with him!..

Where ever I have travelled…your thoughts were not away from me!..

A~

A fallen leaf
flying in the winds

a closed book
pages gone blank

a single face
but many facets

a silent witness
to many worlds

in thy vast universe
I live my own

and walk a different path
just all Alone!

~A